Not everyone gets an application…

So, if you’re a woman, you’re no stranger to this topic that I’m about to discuss. In fact, in your lifetime, you’ve probably had this conversation 1,564 times in one year! Where did I get this number?? Honestly, I made it up, BUT it sounds pretty interesting right??

The topic I’m going to discuss is, DATING. Again, nothing new, however it never fails that we must keep re-visiting this topic! Just yesterday, I had to enlighten my friend on this matter. She’s incredibly beautiful, talented, and intelligent, yet even she got caught up in the game of dating and needed a refresher. So, for anyone else who is struggling in this area, I thought I’d break it down for you as well.

Rule #1: Don’t try to be the “man” in the relationship

There’s nothing worse than a woman who emasculates a man. Meaning, one who is overly fastidious, consistently puts her man down, or feels the need to run the show. Remember, men have very LARGE egos. The last thing they want is to be with a woman who doesn’t think that they are capable of taking charge or being that “male” figure. I’m not saying to back down or be totally submissive. In fact, I believe women are to be treated and revered as equal partners in a relationship. I am saying though, that if you think you can do the job better than your man…then maybe you are with the wrong man.

Rule #2: If you find yourself wondering if you’re in a relationship, that means you’re NOT in one

I’ve done it. You’ve done it. It’s where you’re dating someone and all is well. Then a hiccup occurs (say he goes out of town, or you are unavailable for a few days due to work), and you rarely hear from him after that. In fact, it’s as if you have to hunt him down, just to get in contact with him.

This means he’s bored. He’s no longer interested. Why?? Because the minute you have to wonder where you guy is, or how come you haven’t heard from him, that means that it’s over. Point blank. When a man TRULY likes a woman, he will be ecstatic to hear from her! In fact, he’ll go out of HIS way just to make sure that he has a foot in the door. In sum, he’ll fight for your attention. If you find yourself fighting for a minute of his time...it’s done. Enjoy the fun moments you had together and move on.

Rule #3: Don’t make excuses for the person you’re dating (similar to Rule #2)

Take this scenario: You know that you and your guy talk every day after work around 8:00pm. This is nothing new. In fact, it’s become an unspoken routine. Then one day, you call him at 8:00p.m. No answer. You decide to leave a message. A few hours go by, and you realize you haven’t spoken to him. So you hit him with a text message. Still no reply. “It’s cool,” you think. “He’s obviously busy.”

Day two rolls around and he hits you up midday with a text that says, “Sorry, I saw you called, I was knocked out.” You’re relieved, because as you assumed, he was simply tired and couldn’t pick up your phone call. However, you’re leery of calling him tonight, so you wait for him to call. It’s now 11:30p.m. and you’ve not heard from him except for the text he gave you earlier that day. You go to bed irritated because now it’s been two days since you’ve last really talked.

Day three rolls around and you decide to hit him up with a “Good morning” text. No reply at 2:00p.m., 3:00p.m., 5:00p.m., or 7:00p.m. BUT during this time span, he’s managed to hit up some of his friends on Facebook and play Bejeweled online for three hours.

Maybe he doesn’t want to talk on the phone. Maybe he’s had a long day? Right??...Ooh wait, he just said hello to your friend Sam online. They’re writing back to each other on Facebook. It’s now 2:00a.m. Girl, just go to bed and know that he’s no longer putting in as much as he used to. There’s nothing wrong with that. Just take it for what it is. People’s feelings change. What’s wrong is where we try to force people to feel the same way about us, as we do about them. That’s not fair…you’re only hurting yourself in the end.

Rule #4: You can’t change a man

There are a lot of women who get with a man, KNOWING his faults in advance, yet assume that once they enter into a committed relationship with him, they can make “improvements.” This is not only false, but it’s very presumptuous to think that ANYONE has the power to change another human being into his or her liking. Also, this never comes out positive in the end. Someone will always resent the other for not being enough, or not feeling truly appreciated.

Rule #5: Dating does not equate to marriage!

People, dating is just dating! No matter how much you may be into the guy, DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT give your heart away so fast. Don’t start planning marriage or picking out baby names. LOL Just enjoy each other’s company. Take it slow.

Also remember that you are more than likely not the only woman he is dating. Therefore, keep this in mind and not close the door on any future suitors. Meaning, keep yourself preoccupied, date others, find a hobby; Do ANYTHING to keep you mind off of just this one person, until you both have entered into a committed relationship with one another.

Rule #6: Remember, not everyone deserves an application

Finally, remember your worth. Just because someone is interested in you, does not mean that you have to entertain those feelings and be interested in them. Don’t settle. Not everyone DESERVES to talk to you on that level. If you don’t have standards, you will find yourself settling and unhappy because you rushed things. Know who you are, what you will or will not tolerate, and how you would like to be courted.  Also, remember that relationships take time to grow. The minute you find yourself in a stagnant relationship, that’s time for you to pause, reflect, and reassess your application. How you doing??? LOL.

-Janae is a blogger for The Daily Vine. Check out her bio to see where her view comes from.