Another B-Word

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Brave

Be strong.

Take courage.

Don’t be intimidated…

Because God, your God, is striding ahead of you.

He’s right there with you. He won’t let you down; He won’t leave you.

-GodChicks: The Adventure

 

Those are the words written across my white, long-sleeved shirt along with my matching brown leather bracelet with the word, “Brave,” etched into it. Out of all the things I’ve owned, I decided to wear these particular items to a pub in Los Angeles. I have just gotten back from my wonderful trip to Australia a week ago and I was extremely excited to spend time with my friends. Little did I know that I would be placed in a challenging situation that would call for me to be brave, be a better person, and to ultimately trust in God.

 

So it’s about 10pm, five of us are outside the pub, and the festivities for that night are about to begin. Two of my close friends are in line to join in on the action, one person is in the bathroom, and the other one is right beside me. I’m the only girl out of the group, so how much trouble can I get into?

 

I was watching the seats beside me and a girl spills beer all over one of them. She was obviously intoxicated with her slurred speech, glazed eyes, and her arms draped around the guy right next to her to maintain her balance. She had a bit of a delayed reaction and she said slowly in slurred voice, “Sorry, I spilled beer all over.”

 

“You’re going to clean that up right?” I asked. I was pretty much sober. The way she took how I said it though was completely different.

 

“B*tch! I’m going to clean it up. I just need to get some napkins…” she responded.

 

My eyes widened with disbelief. Oh no she just did not call me a b*tch! To me it was quite unnecessary, disrespectful, and unladylike. No one, especially a woman, does not want to be called such a thing.

 

“I’m just saying, my friends are going to come back, and I was just asking you to make sure you clean it up,"  I responded.

 

Yet, I realized there was no way one could rationalize with a drunk person.

 

The situation escalated further and she actually called me a b*tch a couple more times!

 

I told the guy that she was with, “You better control your girl. Obviously she’s drunk and she shouldn’t be here.”

 

“I’m not his girl,” she exclaimed while he was trying to hold her back telling her, “You’re better than that. You better than that.”

 

But all I could hear her was saying b*tch repeatedly.

 

The April two or three years ago would’ve been ready to call her a b*tch back, stoop down to her level, and possibly slap her, but all I could think of was God. I know it sounds crazy, but I felt I was more mature and better than that. I kept repeating in my mind, 'What would God want me to do? What would God want me to do?'

 

The guy that she was with eventually let her go and that’s when I knew that this situation wasn’t getting any better or going away. My two close friends were still in line and had no idea what was happening, the guy next to me didn’t say anything, and the guy from the bathroom didn’t return yet.

 

I looked at the guy she was with and said, “Dude, are you going to do anything? She’s drunk.”

 

But he said, “It’s not my issue.”

 

'Are you serious? What kind of friend are you,' I was thinking in my head. Guys and girls around us just watched. One girl from the crowd said, “What’s the problem?”

 

I tried explaining but all what I could hear was the drunk girl saying, “B*tch this and b*tch that.”

 

“You know what? I’m not going to start anything with you. Obviously you’re drunk,” I responded.

 

She was an arm’s length from me.

 

'Great, I’m going to get into a fight,' I thought. I told the girl, “I don’t care if you call me a b*tch, a wh*re, a sl*t. You could even slap me on the face right now. I’m not going to call you a b*tch back or do anything because you’re drunk so I’ll excuse you from your behavior.”

 

I couldn't believe I said that. It just came out.

 

The girl said to me, “Hello can’t you see I’m drunk?”

 

“Uh, I just said you were drunk! That’s why I’m not going to hold anything against you. Just drop it,” I responded.

 

Sometime during the whole ordeal, the other guy from the bathroom eventually returned, asked what’s going on, folded the chair and said, "The chair is no longer an issue anymore."

 

Everyone was staring. I looked around and asked the guys and girls nearby repeatedly, “Does anyone have an issue with this girl?”

 

“Okay no one has an issue, so just drop it.”

 

I don't know how many times I had to say, "I don't care. Just drop it."

 

I tried talking to the guy that she was with and even asked him for his name but he responded, “I don’t have a name.”

 

'Fine, coward,' I thought to myself.

 

I sat right back down in my seat, so did the other guy from the bathroom while the drunk girl was behind me calling me a b*tch.

 

I rolled my eyes, continued to sip my drink and told myself in my head, “I’m better than that. I’m better than that.”

 

She went away for the time being and a guy from the crowd told me, “You handled that well. You didn’t deserve that. She was a b*tch.”

 

“That’s okay she was drunk.”

 

I told the guy sitting next to me to hold my drink and I went to get napkins. I came back, unfolded the chair, and wiped the beer that was left on it.

 

The guy who came back from the bathroom said, “You don’t have to do that.”

 

“It’s okay. The others won’t have a place to sit,” I responded.

 

My two friends came back and I briefly filled them in and pointed out the girl who was now in line to sign up for the festivities that night.

 

Drama! But I wasn’t going to let it affect my night at all. I was still going to have a good time with my friends regardless of what happened.

 

As I was on my way to the bathroom that night, I spotted the drunk girl and her guy at the bar. I wasn’t going to say anything even though inside I was thinking of a couple of things to do.

 

As I was in the bathroom, the same drunk girl went in to use it. I don’t know if she even noticed me because she was intoxicated. As I was reapplying my lipstick in the mirror another girl said, “You handled that very well. You didn’t deserve that. Everyone thought she was a b*tch.”

 

“Oh, that’s okay. She was drunk.”

 

In the mirror I could see the drunk girl washing her hands behind me and I told the girl next to me, “Oh, that’s her. Well, have a good night.”

 

That was my cue to leave. I didn’t need any more drama.

 

I saw the guy waiting outside the bathroom for her. I kept walking.

 

I still had a great time with my friends that evening. Yes, the situation bugged me, but I had no way in preventing it from happening. I did the best thing I could do and that was to keep my composure.

 

Later that night that same girl who called me a b*tch took off her top revealing only her bra. She got a lot of attention from the males, probably could care less what people thought about her, and will probably have no recollection of what happened that night. Or maybe she will remember, who knows?

 

I don’t know her name or anything about her. It’s not my place to judge. I feel that we have all been in a position, not necessarily one like this, where we have been out of character and may have regretted our actions.

 

All I could do on my end is forgive her for saying the things that she said and move on from that. I had a great time with my two friends and made two more new friends (the guy sitting next to me and the guy who went to the bathroom). So all and all, something positive came out of a negative situation.

 

By sharing this experience, I don’t ask for sympathy or applause either. I want to use this as an example for other women on how to react when a situation like this arises.

 

I’ve witnessed two middle school girls almost get in a fight in my classroom because one of them looked at the other girl the wrong way. And when this current situation happened to me, I’ve learned that it doesn’t get any better as we get older either. Why do women do that to each other?

 

I challenge women all over the world to be better than that.

I challenge women to have more respect for each other and for themselves.

I challenge women to refrain from calling each other hateful things.

I challenge women to build each other up instead of tear one another down.

I challenge women to be the example that you want other women to be.

I challenge women to be brave, and sometimes that entails backing down in situations where conflict and tension arises.

I challenge women to speak up when it is necessary and be that voice of reason.

I challenge women to have courage and faith in God.

I challenge women to extend grace to others and to forgive each other for making mistakes.

I challenge women to stop calling each other the B-word and instead start calling each other beautiful because it seems like no one ever says it anymore and means it.

 

Wouldn’t it be great if we had a world filled with women who did just that? It would be a world filled with:

 

Better,

Beautiful,

Brave,

Brilliant

Women.

 

Now, how’s that for another B-word? That’s something to fight for.

 

-April is a blogger for The Daily Vine. Check out her bio to see where her view comes from.