In Defense of Lindsay Lohan

So. Lindsay Lohan is going to jail.

In the ruling made Tuesday, Lohan was sentenced to 90 days in jail followed by 90 days in a rehab facility as punishment for failing to complete her court appointed alcohol education classes and setting off her SCRAM bracelet, as well as skipping just about every other hearing she was supposed to be at since her two DUI arrests in 2007.

I have been an unabashed Lilo fan since the beginning. As a fellow ginger with horrid bangs, I felt a connection with her when I went to see The Parent Trap in theaters oh so many years ago. My love for her grew exponentially through Freaky Friday, Mean Girls, and, yes, even Confessions of a Teenaged Drama Queen. I grew my hair long- even briefly bleached it blonde despite my opposition to a movie version of A Prairie Home Companion- to be like Lindsay. Wore leggings, all black, tall boots, weird hats, just to be like her. Some of my friends called me Lindsay. I reveled.

But then she started to fall. She was arrested. She was dropped from most of her projects. For some reason, she seemed to lack the balls to come out to the media. But through it all, my love endured. People began to think I was being disingenuous when I told them she was my favorite celebrity, my dream best friend, the one girl I would kiss if I had to kiss anyone. I had to get old friends to back me up- even despite the evidence of the red roots that peeked out from under my faux-blonde hair.

No matter how many times she went crazy over break-ups with Sam on Twitter, no matter how many fur coats she stole, no matter how many pictures of her with a white nose or an orange face appeared, I stuck by her. So you can see why this is a sad day in the Lilo Fan Club of 1 that I've created. There will no longer be any reason to read the #dirtbags everyday. There will no longer be slideshows to look through of pictures of how she's hiding her SCRAM using cute boots. No more failed albums. No more Michael Lohan updates (please, god, let there be no more Michael Lohan updates, please!!!!!). Hopefully, we will just all have a Lilo-free 180 days while she begins her recovery. Hopefully, Lohan will leave jail and rehab sober, healthy, and ready to get back to work.

I could make this article so many things- a satire of the dominance of celebrity gossip in our newspapers, an examination of the delicacy of teen stars, a tirade against horrible stage moms and dads- but I will simply leave it at what it is: a nostalgic longing for the lost version of my favorite drama queen. Everytime I watch Mean Girls (which you can probably guess by this article is quite often), I long for Cady Heron but all Star ever gives me are images of a plastic.

Photo: CC license through Flickr