When Just a Nod is Not Enough

I have been thinking a lot about honesty nowadays. There are some definite answers I can think of for some honesty issues, such as the issue of saying “no” that I have written about in my previous blog post. But there are some problems that I struggle with because I can’t find an answer with which I am completely satisfied. One of these problems lies in everyday conversations. For example, how do you pay honest attention when the other person is pouring out to you their entire life story, yet it simply does not interest you? What if you think that what they are saying is trivial, obvious, or cumbersome?

Of course, the best answer to this question is to keep on listening. Which is what I do, but the problem is that the speakers expect some kind of reaction that agrees with their feelings as an encouragement for them to continue speaking. These reactions can be simple words like, “Oh, that is so interesting!” or, “That’s great!” or, “That must have been so hard for you.” If you do not give reactions such as these, the conversation goes awkwardly stale or silent because the speakers feel as if they are talking to a wall, and they do not know how to continue. But how do you show honest reactions if you don’t care for what the other person is saying, yet you obviously do not want to be a jerk and show no interest?

Showing appropriate responses in a conversation, even in one-sided conversation, is a simple act of social politeness. So, I tell myself, “Suck it up and stop whining.” But, the problem is that while saying certain responses is not hard, I struggle when I find myself having to attach emotions to these responses. If I were to say, “That’s great,” I should be excited, right? Or, at least show that I feel enthusiastic about what I call great. Even if I were to not say anything, but just nod in empathy, I should be feeling empathy and showing it. But if my feelings are indifferent, I feel like a hypocrite for showing a lot of enthusiasm or feelings that simply go with my responses. But is such dishonesty exempt from the symptoms of hypocrisy?

Maybe the answer to this problem is that a little dishonesty is okay, because knowing how to maintain a conversation is a necessary social skill. Practically speaking, I believe this answer and I will always try to converse and interact with someone with the enthusiasm and seriousness that everyone deserves. But each time I start to mentally wander away from the excitement of the conversation, I probably would not be able to help wincing at how I am feeling and how I should act. I will always be listening. But how do I maneuver my responses in a way that they would be polite yet also genuine? I have no idea.