Is There Such A Thing As Safe Sex?

 I like the comparison to food, I think in many ways not only is sex compared in that way but it properly satisfies me in the same way :).
 
However sex, like many things, isnt something, I think, that can be defined for everyone. Furthermore I dont think it can even be defined for one person for all time.
 
For example, to me, sex is sometimes meaningful, sometimes it has so much meaning with certain people that I want it more, or dont want it, or it has a different feeling altogether.
 
At the same time, sometimes sex is simply physical gratification, I dont have any need for "spiritual or emotional" gratification at that time, well at least not from that person. I think however there is a problem with thinking this is a wrong way of thinking. What works for me might not work for you, and that exactly proves why sex ed is taught the way it should be, as non-invasive, philosophically as possible, while benefiting the most people possible.
 
I also feel that if you want some sort of philosophy to be taught with sex ed, much like religion, should be taught at home, since different people will have different takes on the matter.
 
In religious matters, no one would even dream (hopefully) to judge someones religious believes negatively. But something as opinionatable as sex is frowned upon if someone doesnt believe the same way as you. People are quickly called hoes, or jesus freaks (just to show the spectrum).
 
Not to be judgemental myself, but you cant really just say its spiritual because your belief in God says so. If for no other reason, then because you cant impose your religious beliefs on others.
 
Of course, everyone seeks that sex that fulfills your "soul" for lack of a better atheist word. But thats not to say I dont enjoy the occassional mindless bump N grind, and whats most important, is that I am ok with that.
 
I like your overall approach to seeing things deeply though, I will continue to read your blog, I just disagree is some parts here :)
 

I found this article today titled Love, Pleasure, Duty: Why Women Have Sex and I thought it would be fitting to add it to the comments. Some things that are brought up...

"Women have consistently shown preferences for men with symmetrical bodies, a subtle mark of genetic fitness and status"

"Only 15 percent of women said they would even consider sex without smooching first, the book said. For women, kissing is "an emotional litmus test,"

"It turns out that women's reasons for having sex range from love to pure pleasure to a sense of duty to curiosity to curing a headache. Some women just want to please their partners, and others want an ego boost."

From my personal view...

Sometimes I think sex is spiritual and sometimes I don't. I think the way I view sex has a lot to do with how I was raised. For the most part I think that casual sex is fine as long as both people understand its casual. I've personally known a girl who could keep it casual and not be emotionally affected by it. But I've also known a couple of girls where they thought they could keep it casual and they ended up getting hurt in the end.

To each their own, but you can't deny that the hormonal effects of casual sex affect women differently than men.

LOL! I feel you on the Sex and the City. I actually like that show. My girlfriends and I talk about which character would best fit us. No one ever wants to be Samantha. (Rae said I was her and I looked at her crazy. Then she responded, "You had a Samantha season."  Not that I've ever slept around, but if my wild partying phase back in the day could count as that then I'm glad I had those moments and have learned from them.  Probably another reason why I would tell a woman to really think twice before engaging in something.) And for the young women/teens who follow Sex and the City, keep in mind that Kim Cattrall is 53 and the other leading ladies are in their 40's. So like Kristin mentioned, it comes with maturity - "age and common sense".
 
But yes I would have to agree it's "a womans personal choice and as long as she is truly happy within herself than more power to her."
 
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Okay, I'm going to stop acting like this is Facebook and I promise this is the last comment.  Thanks Kristin and other ladies for contributing your thoughts and speaking your mind. I feel that people can learn from the different points of view and insights. It brings awarness. That's what TOG is all about.

 Good points April and I guess its hard for me to understand the religious aspect because I am not religious at all. 
 
II hear you about the "sprung" girl thing, that is a rough stage, but we all get through it and usually in high school is when we learn that every relationship/kiss/sexual partner isnt going to be the one, that bubble bursts for most of us at a young age. I am not saying be cynical and dont trust men or believe that there are good ones out there, rather just take it for face value and dont put all your eggs in 1 basket. When a man is the one he will work for it. I guess its just a different path for each person and everyone has to do what they feel is right. 
 
As for the whole casual sex thing I think if two people are mature (age and common sense wise) enough to realize they are not in a space to be tied down but still want to casually date than that is their choice, its an honesty thing with me I guess Id rather know something is casual than be lied to by some guy promising me the world, I like to keep it real and not place high expectations on anyone but myself.
 
I dont want to come off as Samantha from Sex and the City by any means but I also want to think that any lifestyle from a nun to Samantha is a womans personal choice and as long as she is truly happy within herself than more power to her.
 
 
 
 

I always respect an opinion of a fellow female. 
 
I guess it hit home for me because I was having a discussion with my highschool teacher friend about his students and their involvement with sex and I heard disheartening stories about girls who "gave it up" and the guy moved on to college or the next girl, or girls who were "sprung" on a guy and ended getting involved way too soon and ended up in heartbreak and couldn't concentrate on school. Some of these females were never the same and they had a good head on their shoulders too.  How do we reach out to these females?  I wouldn't want to tell them act like a guy, but instead be smarter next time around. Having protected sex won't necessarily protect your heart.
 
 
Yes, guys do have casual sex but surpisingly, not all of them.  It goes both ways.  I agree that many GOOD women do engage in such activities and I happen to be really good friends with some of them. I've heard their stories and that doesn't make them any less of my friend or a sl*t.  On the flipside, I know of men and women who waited until the big day and it usually has to do with with their strong religious beliefs. I guess I find it very admirable because it's such a rarity.
 
What I also know is that not everyone is built that way. Not everyone can block the emotional aspect or separate the two.  And if you can or know someone who has mastered it then she should share/write about it because maybe many women can learn from her personal experiences.  Actually I would love to hear another point of view/flip side in another post! (Check out points #3, #6, #7).  That would be a great idea!  The negative stories from friends tend to outweigh the positive for me and so maybe that's why I'm biased.
 
I still stand by my view but would love to hear more (articles, research, personal experiences.)
 
 

LynD---I understand all your puns were intended and I can laugh at them when I read them.
 
Perhaps my view differs from the writer's but I have to say this; I dont think that having sex as an grown woman is anything to be ashamed of. Casual or not if you are secure in yourself and you are not hurting anyone I do not see the issue with it. I dont think it devalues me or anyone who might do it, cause sex is natural and shouldnt have taboos attached to it. Sure there are people who do it for self esteem boosters and I am not advocating this, BUT I think it needs to be addressed that many GOOD woman do do this and they most certainly are not sluts. Men do it all the time, but now that women are more open about it they can be labeled as loose or giving it up when they should wait, I dont think that is fair, it's oppressive.
 
Of course everyone should be safe on every level, using condoms, using common sense and then to each is own.
 
Oh and lastly sex and love are not mutually exclusive, of course I wouldnt tell school children...
 
 

Big juicy piece* of meat? Maybe it's time to cut down on the meat! Have you watched Food, Inc.? I blogged about it.
 
I had to respond back just in case younger students are reading this (Because anyone can have access to the Internet. Possibly former students.)
 
If you need a fix, stress reliever, or endorphin boost try working out at the gym or running on a regular basis. THE #1 WAY TO RELEASE ENDORPHINS IS EXERCISE.
 
Read Rae's blog 5 Things that made her a better runner. That's the healthy way and it teaches self-discipline.  I'm pretty sure she could say that living healthy has allowed her to make healthy choices as well.  That's why sports, physical education, and extra curricular activities are huge in highschool. How else are they going to keep these hormone-driven teenagers busy?  It makes sense! 
 
And I'm very aware that sex is a basic need (Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs and keep in mind it's a theory). So how do we satisfy a need without engaging in the actual act?  My friend and old roommate is in the path of becoming a brother (kind of like a male version of a nun) and he says he channels his sexual energy in other activities and tasks. I've observed him get a lot of things done in such a short time frame.  The past 3 years he has done amazing things/projects for his students. And if you're thinking brother?! Not everyone is going to be a brother!  He's done the whole dating/relationship scene, is a good-looking, intelligent guy and is even younger than me, so don't think his advice is not worthy or practical.
 
Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking.  Instead, fix your attention on God. Romans 12:2 MSG
 
*BTW, if you want a real endorphin boost try skydiving, shark cages in Hawaii, jet skiing, riding on back of a motorcycle, parasailing...the list goes on.  Those are WAY better stories to tell your friends than a minute or so long orgasm from casual sex! (If you're even lucky. Yes, girls have shared.)
 
Kids, casual sex has been done before and not a lot of people are bragging about it.  (And if you're too young for those type of adventures ride a rollercoaster, watch a scary movie, or even eat wasabi. Click on the link and check the article. Educate yourself. Knowledge is POWER!)
 
So kids, be smart and wait 'til the time is right. It will be worth the wait.

Hi,
I'm with Jenny.  I also wasn't clear on the point being made.  Are you concerned with the quality of sex education, of social double standards when it comes to sex, or a seemingly cultural disconnect between love and sex? 
And yes, I have had casual sex without having the emotional investment of falling in or looking for love.  Sex can be a great stress reliever and endorphin boost that can be enjoyed outside of a monogomous relationship.  I agree that what is labeled as casual sex can sometimes be used as a way to manipulate or as a cry to fullfill other needs.  And so is the fast food fix you mentioned.  But sometimes I just want a big juicy peice of meat.

Well said!!!
 

I've read the whole thing and I get where you're coming from.
 
I've even read about people such as Pam Farrell (author of
The 10 Best Decisions a Woman Can Make: Finding Your Place in God's Plan) and Stephen Arterburn, who talk about this topic.  Both are Christian and both have been involved in situations where they have been physically intimate with others and now they talk about delaying gratification.  Their success stories with their significant others actually resulted when they "held off" or "held out" this time around because they messed up previous relationships or just had a different viewpoint/mentality back then. As I was reading their stories, it began to make sense to me.
 
Then a couple of months ago, I watched the "Science of Sex Appeal" on Discovery (see other video clips here) and there so many factors that contribute to attraction and attachment.  It's crazy! So for people who don't believe in the "God factor", I still will hold out on sex until later because ladies you might be creating an emotional attachment way too early before establishing a real relationship or even before you really get to know the guy. ( I could go on with the explanations but watch the whole special. It's like an hour give or take.)

 
A couple of weeks ago, I watched 17 Again with Zac Efron and this clip illustrates so perfectly how abstinence should be taught but teenagers think otherwise.But Zac Efron (who's trapped in a 17 year-old body) flips the scrip because his daughter is actually in the class.
 
Ultimately it's a person choice to engage in sex or not.  You can't really force anyone what to believe or think.
 
When I have a daughter I'm going to give her the 411 and educate her about God, what science has to say, consequences of her actions, experiences of others and my own, and then have her make her own decision.
 
She's going to want to wait after I'm done filling her in. (But that's what I want.)  I'd accept her either way.
 
 
 

Hey Krystal,
I'm just a little confused. This blog was really long so I didn't actually read the whole thing. It was also hard to follow. What exactly was your point?
 
"I can't understand why we teach children this subject in such a way that they are learning only shallow surface information when it is so deep that it not only reaches the heart, but the soul."
 
Realisitically, safe sex is taught because it's better to arm these kids with facts than nothing at all. Most hormonal teenagers are not concerned with the ramifications having premarital sex will have on their soul. But, maybe, hearing details of childbirth or STDs will serve as a warning not to do it, or to at least do it safely. Preaching about God seems really ineffective to people in their mid 20's, let alone, a group of teenages.