But What Will People Think?

On Thursday, I told my boss that I wouldn't be renewing my internship contract when it expired. I work a well-paid, 40-hours a week internship on a 3-month contract. At the end of my first three months, my boss invited me to renew my contract, which I hesitantly did. I'm unhappy with the work I'm doing and eager to pursue my own interests, so, at the end of six months, I have decided I will leave my position. What am I going to do when I quit? I'm not sure yet. I'm going to figure out what I need to to do be happy, and start doing it.

This doesn't sound too unreasonable at first glance, especially since my husband is employed with benefits and we're in a pretty safe financial situation. For a number of reasons, however, I've been nervous about making this big decision. And, as is usual for me, my number one fear has been what other people will think of me. My company has been named one of the best places to work in my city and is very well-known for having an awesome work environment and culture. My co-workers often talk about how lucky they are to work there and how much they love the job. The people who work there are really, truly passionate about what they do (and maybe that's why I feel so out-of-place). So I have a great internship (on paper) in a down economy, and I'm giving it up? After only 6 months? And I don't have a solid plan for what I'm doing when I quit? What's wrong with me?

I imagined telling my parents. I remembered how my father, a coal miner who has worked hard labor his whole life, had said "It sounds like you should do everything you can to keep that job," when I first told him about all the company's perks. I thought of my mother who is one of the hardest-working people I know. I thought about my brother who is overcoming so many hardships to finish his education and get out of debt. I almost felt too guilty to tell them my plans, but it all came spilling out anyway. And guess what? All three of them completely supported me. My father said the last thing he wanted was for me to end up working a job I don't like, the way he does. My mother recalled her need to have creativity and self-entrepreneurship in her life, and wasn't surprised she had passed it down to me. My brother insisted that anyone could work a job they don't like for a long time when necessary, but conceded that I have a lot of smarts and talent and was sure I could find a sustainable way to use them. More than anything, they all just wanted me to be happy.

Then there was my boss, someone who I haven't interacted with very much. I was worried he would question why I wanted to leave, or feel frustrated that the company would be losing their investment in me. I imagined him scolding me, or saying that I couldn't know whether I liked the job or not after just 4 months. Still, I had to do this, so I asked if we could meet for a few minutes and told him I wasn't planning on renewing my contract, that I wanted to pursue other things and that this wasn't my passion. He was immediately kind and understanding about it, and just asked what sorts of things I might do afterwords (which I stumbled, but made it, through) and said I had done a good job and it was too bad I was leaving. That's it!

I was so scared of what people might think of me because I was doing something that could be considered foolish or unreasonable, but so far nobody has reacted that way. People just seem to want me to be happy, and they trust me to know what decisions I need to make in order to make that happen. It's kind of been a wake-up call, saying "Hey! You're an adult now! You don't have to justify your decisions to people, and people already think you're a reasonable enough person to make good ones." So, if you're on the cusp of making a big decision, don't be afraid of what the people around you might say. There's a chance they won't be supportive, but there's also a good chance they will trust that you know what you're doing. Either way, it's your life and your decision to make. Have confidence and make the changes you know you need in your life.