Letting My Parents Pay

When we're kids, our parents are our providers. We wouldn't dream of needing to feed or clothe ourselves, and we never have to worry about finances. If we're lucky, we can even convince our parents to give us a weekly allowance to use on whatever we like in exchange for simple chores.

 
In high school, things change a bit as we get our first jobs and are taught the lessons of fiscal responsibility. We spend our money going out with friends, we save it for a big purchase for ourselves, or we put it in the bank for the future. Still, our parents provide our food, housing, and nearly all non-entertainment expenses. Treats are frequent and welcome.
 
Things change even more in college, when most of us begrudgingly take on the “poor college student” status. We start being as frugal as possible, and know we must soon find a real source of income and confront our ominous student loan debt. Any assistance from our parents is greatly appreciated. We excitedly anticipate their visits, mostly because of the nearly inevitable trips out to eat and complimentary re-stocking of dorm room essentials. As a struggling student, any and all hand-outs are more than welcome.
 
Now, over a year out of college and almost a year married, I'm finding things have changed again, and in a big way. My parents visited my husband and me in our new apartment for the first time last week, and the experience left me quite conflicted. When we first got married, my parents gave us a large monetary gift to help us start our new life while we searched for work, so we already felt quite indebted to them in the first place. Imagine our surprise when my parents declared that the main purpose for their visit, besides seeing us and bringing the belongings we had left behind from our initial move, was housewarming: to treat us to meals out, do any handiwork needed around the house, and buy anything and everything they deemed necessary to help make our small apartment feel more like our first home.
 
“No, no, no,” I thought to myself. “We're adults now, we're married, we both have jobs, we're not poor college kids anymore! If we want or need something, we can buy it ourselves.” Letting my parents treat us to nice, new, non-necessities with their hard-earned money didn't seem right at all, especially during their one week of summer vacation. When my parents offered to buy us a bed-frame or a new couch, my husband dismissed the items as “unnecessary”. Meanwhile, I thwarted several attempts my parents made to buy us groceries, decorative pillows, and matching dishes.
 
By the end of the visit, we still wound up with a new vacuum, two lampshades, and a fridge and pantry full of foods my mom thought we might like. We didn't even manage to pay for any of the meals we ate out together (although we were able to sneakily pay for movie tickets).
 
Now that they've left, and I'm looking back on the visit as a whole, I've realized I spent too much time being frustrated about my parents buying us things we didn't need, and not enough time being thankful for having such supportive parents. For them, helping us make our home more comfortable, treating us to good food and fun activities, and easing our financial burdens for a week were methods they used to express their love and support for me and my husband. For this visit, I hope I didn't hurt their feelings with my ungrateful attitude. For future visits, I will try to express more appreciation for their spirit of giving.