Exceptions, Ands, Ifs & Buts

When I was young girl, I was often told that good grades and hard work would get me to the top. I was also told that the good guys knew that what mattered was on the inside and not on the outside. However, as I am now considered an adult (by age), I wonder how valid these ideals are. Or are they taught to children by adults, who want to form a better world, knowing that the standards they are presenting to these children, are in actuality quite high?

I have two illustrations to help demonstrate my point.

First Illustration: Education is widely advertised as the way to move up in this world. It’s one of the main reasons why so many immigrate to the U.S. They want their child to have more opportunities and a better education. What you don’t see stressed as much is partying. Or how about socializing as much as possible? In the adult world, this is called networking. It happens over cocktails and hors d'oeuvres. If education, good grades, and hard work are supposed to be the key to climbing the ladder, why do I often hear “It’s about who you know”? Apparently, there is also research that provides evidence that having strong, weak tie networks actually leads to gainful employment. I've pulled some old articles about weak tie networks and their effects. You can find them here and here.

Second Illustration: I’ve volunteered for this semi-annual techie networking event that’s hosted in LA for the last 3 events. The first event, I worked my hair back in a ponytail and sported a short sleeved bright top and business pants. Despite my dashing smile and eagerness to network, I was overlooked. I remember sitting in a VIP tent trying to talk to a VP about social media and how nonprofits could really benefit from it. Every now and then I’d see his roving eye shift to take an obvious peek at the girls in the tent. They were tall with long hair. They wore dresses and I’m pretty sure they had their makeup and hair professionally done. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but from my point of view, it was a networking event! Talk about frustrating!

Fast forward to the last time I volunteered to help out with this event. I styled my hair, wore a dress, and made it a point to be a little more daring with who I smiled at and channeled a more, feminine, bubbly (yet cool) vibe. Lo and behold, it was a better experience for me. A dozen compliments later (regarding my hair), two winks, a couple of connections, and I think even a couple of guys trying to hit on me, I called the night a success. The question I ask myself is, Did I sell out? Or did I see those ideals that I was taught when I was younger as just that? Ideals. And to play in the real world, the rules have exceptions, ands, ifs, AND buts.

Now a few last tidbits:

- I met a guy that night who works for a very big, successful tech company based out of Northern California. He seemed like a cool guy and was easy to talk to. I told him about my VIP story and his response when I mentioned the guy’s roving eye? “Aww, you can’t blame him for that! That’s perfectly normal!”

Interesting.

- I met another guy that night who works for a huge network. Like huge. I told him about my job searching saga. His response? “Well, who do you know? It’s all about who you know!”

Interesting.

I’m going to leave this blog at that. The verdict is still out regarding whether or not I do believe in those lessons I was taught when I was younger. Don’t get me wrong. I want to believe in these ideals. In fact, I want to eventually teach them to my children. But when they get to a big enough age, before adulthood, I think I’m going to teach them the exceptions, ands, ifs, and buts as well.